How to Live with Fear and Worry, and Self-Confidence (But Not Guilt)

Have you tried a self-imposed challenge like this?

I’ve done quite a few 30 Day Challenges.

Stop drinking coffee for 30 days. Or doing 100 squats for 30 days.

Actually, I’ve done all 23 Challenges listed in this post.

What’s great about these challenge ideas is that lots of them became daily habits now.

It’s a wonderful way to test out something new and the best way of living an intentional life.

If you haven’t already, I thoroughly recommend you give it a go.

My most recent challenge was 10 Day fasting, which has led me to learn all about fasting: its impact on body and mind.

I thought fasting is a religious thing, duh!

Among all the challenge ideas though, I find my current challenge (publishing a blog post every day for 100 days) far more, um, challenging.

I’m feeling it acutely today on Day 4 (again).

UPDATE: my 100 Day Challenge is complete now. You can find more details below, before, during and after the challenge in order.

When I started blogging, I had two topics I wanted to help my readers with: “worry” and past mistakes.

I thought, if I suffered from them (and overcame them), there must be someone out there who’s going through the same.

I continue to learn as I go along and I want to share a few more lessons I’ve learned about fear, worry, guilt and confidence.

Fear and Worry are Normal

If you feel like a loser feeling anxious and insecure because of fear and worry (I know the feeling!), don’t be too hard on yourself.

Turns out every one of us feels them.

The only reason some people feel less than others is they find a place to put them long enough until they do what has to be done.

I talked about my friend who had the fear of public speaking, felt the fear and did it, anyway.

She didn’t feel fear and worry any less than you would have.

She found a place to put them away so she could do what had to be done no matter what.

My favourite radio presenter who had 30+ years of experience has moved to a brand new station to present a whole different genre of music.

It surprised me when I heard him talking about his fear, worry and uncertainty:

What if no one tunes in..?

Even the best of the best felt fear and uncertainty.

When you accept worry and fear as a fact of life, they can’t surprise you. Therefore, they can’t have detrimental power over you.

Instead, you can learn and put them away long enough to get what has to be done, done anyway.

Fear and Worry vs Self-Confidence

Do you know the best way to thwart fear and worry?

The most effective way to counteract fear and worry is by building self-confidence.

The more confidence you have in yourself and in your ability, the less fear and worry you’ll likely feel.

It’s like a seesaw.

In one end of a seesaw, you have confidence. On the other side, sitting comfortably is fear and worry.

You’re a sum of all those things.

You can’t avoid any of them, but you can manoeuvre the seesaw.

You can shift the balance by magnifying confidence, which wakens fear and worry.

The Role of Guilt

Guilt differs from fear and worry.

When I carried a massive weight of guilt with me, it eroded my confidence.

In fact, it nearly wiped out my confidence.

That’s what guilt does: crushing our confidence.

Fear and worry will always outweigh self-confidence in the balance of seesaw when you carry guilt with you.

Unlike fear and worry, though, you can eliminate guilt.

I know it’s difficult. And it takes time.

But as soon as you accept what’s done is done and let it go, you become free of guilt. It’s a choice you can make here and now.

You may never forget what’s done, but you can come to terms with it to the point it doesn’t torture your soul any more.

And there is another reason you carry guilt with you.

Because you don’t take action, even though you know what to do to move your life forward.

So you need…

Goals and Plans

Guilt won’t go away unless you have goals and plans that move you forward.

If you stay in the same place without taking action, you’ll continue to feel guilt.

You can’t boost your confidence with guilt hanging over your head.

With clear goals and plans, you have a purpose.

You know where to go, how to get there and what to do each day to get there.

You have things to do daily. You’re too busy to feel guilt!

That puts you in the driving seat.

Fear and worry are in the far corner of your back seat. Exactly where you want them to be.

They may try to draw your attention every now and then.

But you have a destination to reach.

You’re too focused on driving to give them the time of day.

As you focus on your goals and drive forward to reach your goals, your confidence soars.

Final Thoughts

Working on your goals daily boosts your self-confidence. And fear and worry are your companions.

Embrace them without giving them too much room to steer your wheel or speak loud to distract you from driving towards your destination.

Keep them just enough to remind you you’re on the right track.

With guilt free and daily action towards your goal, you learn to live with a healthy dose of fear and worry while maintaining high confidence in your abilities.

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