One of the most courageous things you can do is identify yourself, know who you are, what you believe in and where you want to go.
– Sheila Murray Bethel
Many of us believe our innate personality trait has a correlation to the confidence level.
And perceive confident people as an extrovert.
Because of this misleading perception, a lot of introverts express their desire to become extrovert.
As if their inborn personality trait is some kind of character flaw and a major hindrance in pursuing the life they want.
This is not true.
I have a few good friends who are shy but confident about themselves.
They may not be the centre of attention in social gatherings: they don’t want that, anyway.
But their presence is always assuring and clam. They’re amazing friends: royal and trust-worthy.
They’re comfortable in their own skin and successful in the chosen profession.
They certainly don’t feel the need to shout at the top of their voice how amazing they are.
They just are.
The point I want to make is extrovert can suffer from a lack of confidence and insecurity as much as an introvert can be confident.
Because confidence is a skill that we can all learn.
Confidence isn’t what you’re born with. It’s a skill you learn.
You can develop the confidence skill just like any new skill set you learn and become a confident person.
So, how do we learn this skill to get quiet confidence?
Here’s the first step to becoming a confident person.
7 Surefire Ways You Can Get Quiet Confidence
1. Own You: All of You
While a lot of us blame our environments or others for all the things going wrong in our life, confident people own them.
They embrace everything.
They face shortcomings head-on with no excuses.
The prime example is David Goggins, one of the toughest guys in the world.
His crazy level of physical endurance and mental strength is jaw-dropping.
If you haven’t heard of him, I thoroughly recommend you check him out.
If you’re suffering from low self-esteem or feeling stuck in a rut, he’ll give you a kick in the butt and push you to go about your day with zest.
If you find his messages resonate with you, try his audiobook for FREE.
It’s one hell of a game-changer – I promise! (Read my book review here.)
Just look at him on the book cover. Do you see the overweight guy behind the man in uniform? These are the same man!
As he transformed his life, he’ll change yours too if you let him.
2. Create Your Own Life Roadmap
I often wonder what life would be like if it came with a GPS like instruction at birth.
Would our life be a lot less miserable and more fulfilling?
Well, some of us are living a GPS like life.
Life set out by others’ standards. Relying on others’ opinion of the choices we make and the directions we take.
No wonder why we seek others’ approvals at every corner. We constantly change our behaviours, depending on how others judge us.
We’re at the mercy of others.
Confident people have their own roadmap of life. Carve out their own path. They don’t give a hoot about what others think.
Creating your life roadmap means life happens for you. Not to you.
Like many successful people, you become self-aware. You know what you want. You draw your own roadmap to reach your ambitious goals.
Your roadmap directs you, keeping you from swaying from your path or following the crowd like a robot.
You become creative and resourceful to stay on your path no matter what.
You’re just too busy to seek approval from others, too busy to blame other people or the environment.
You have your own roadmap to follow!
3. Keep Every Promise You Make to Yourself
When was the last you made a promise to yourself and didn’t keep it?
When I make a promise to wake up at 5 am but hit the snooze button and wake up at 8:10 instead, my day starts with guilt and sabotaging thoughts:
See how weak you are? You can’t even keep one promise you made to yourself!
The important battle always begins within us.
When you keep every promise you make to yourself, you build trust in you and your abilities. Like in any relationship, with trust comes confidence.
Your self-esteem goes up when you keep a promise you make to yourself.
We can’t rely on others’ approvals or praises to build and maintain our confidence. It only comes from our own approval.
Here’s another example.
You dress up for work.
Your colleague pays you a compliment on a new outfit. It’s pleasing to your ears, boosting your mood instantly, but that high lasts only for so long.
Because you broke the promise you made to yourself. You gave in to temptation and failed to stick to your budget.
Drowning in debt, you made your finance worse.
What you feel inside makes or breaks your confidence, not others’ comments or opinions of you.
You can only grow confidence by building self-trust.
4. Make Progress EVERY DAY
Make progress by doing lots of small stuff every day.
Lots of small stuff essential to reach your goals.
Spend 30 minutes to learn a new skill. Maybe coding or web designing.
Write 500 words for your first book before heading off to work.
Do 100 squats while brushing your teeth as your daily health regime.
Every small stuff builds a foundation, adds up over time and compounds, getting you closer to the destination on your roadmap.
You have nothing to prove to others and everything to prove to yourself.
With everyday progress that stacks up, you feel confident in your abilities.
Therefore, you grow confident as a person.
You become an action-oriented person by doing small stuff. Wonderful stuff. You enjoy the process. All the while knowing you’re making progress each day.
You build your confidence as a doer.
5. Be Your Own Cheerleader
No one will ever want success for you as much as you do for yourself.
Except for your parents.
Celebrate every little win.
Stand in front of a mirror, say with a broad smile:
Good job – I’m very proud of you!
You might have noticed by now.
The whole thing about being confident is having the best relationship with yourself.
You’ll again learn this from David Goggins, but in a more critical way towards yourself.
That’s how he pushes himself.
But no matter how frustrating things get, don’t belittle yourself.
Accept all your faults. Work on them. Never lose your sight that you’re the only person who can love you more than anyone.
No one cares about your goals and your endeavours more than you do.
Treat yourself like you’d treat your BFF by listening and encouraging.
With kindness and respect.
Be your best friend to yourself.
6. Treasure Your Body
Often, we don’t learn how good we had until falling ill, facing physical and mental hardship and losing independence.
Don’t wait for such a drastic and nasty surprise to appreciate your healthy body.
Maintaining your healthy body should be your number one priority at all times.
When you look after your body, it’ll take care of your mind.
Sometimes, our mind goes off to a place we don’t want to and does its own thing.
Putting us down. Talking to us in a negative tone. Throwing a bunch of excuses.
You need your body to overpower your mind, to get you out of a funk. Like when you don’t feel like getting out of bed.
One excellent hack is Mel Robbins’ The 5 Seconds Rule.
The principle is to count down 5 to 1. By the time you hit 1, you blanket all the excuses or self-doubts out of your thoughts and taking one specific immediate action.
Examples: the moment you wake up, start counting 5… 4… 3… 2…. As you hit 1, get out of the bed and do any of the following:
- Make your bed.
- Walk straight to the bathroom and grab your toothbrush.
- Stretch your entire body and do 25 squats.
- Drink a tall glass of water.
- Jump on a mini-trampoline – if you have one. I have one like this.
What it does is, The 5 Seconds Rule activates a trigger for you to take specific action straightaway.
It’s one of the best tricks to practise body over mind when mind gets in your way.
7. Never Stop Learning
A great fallacy of mine was thinking the education was over after graduation. Only to realise much later, true education begins afterwards.
Sure, there’s an excitement about entering the real world.
No more classes to attend to and no assignments. And a bunch of free time.
It seems life couldn’t get any better.
But the real world is no playground.
It constantly demands us to better ourselves, increase our self-worth by learning new skills, and make money to secure a better future.
When we stop growing as a person, we’re left behind while the rest of the world moves on. If we don’t continue to invest in ourselves, we become stagnant.
And eventually we lose confidence in our abilities.
Take personal development as a lifelong mission. Not only will you live a successful life, you’ll exude quiet confidence.
We rely so much on external factors to make us feel good and confident about ourselves.
I learned that they’re all short-lived. They can never become our true motivation or tools to gain self-confidence.
Face yourself in a quiet time when you’re alone.
The person you’re looking at in front of you in the mirror when nobody is looking is real you.
With 7 ways to get quiet confidence described here, master your mind, body and your everyday routine.
You’ll exude quiet confidence with no need to keep up with a facade for the outside world.
♣ Struggling with building quiet confidence? You might need to change the stories you tell yourself. What to Say When You Talk to Your Self will help you the best way you talk to yourself. It literally changed my life!
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